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poems inspiring me to write my own by cristinewakesuphappy

DLD's I Have Featured by LadyofGaerdon

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Submitted on
April 20, 2012
File Size
694 bytes


23 (who?)
Someday, we will come back

When you walk among your fields
That lay peaceful in the pink sunset
You will remember the blood
And we will be here once more

When the noonday sun
Specks the silent plow with diamonds
You shall think of bayonets
And screams that tore as they fell

When your children run among the grasses
Shining ethereal in the twilight
You shall think of ghosts
And of ghost children that never were

The world has forgotten us
The earth will not forget

In our memory, is our revenge
Wars are scars.

Comments? Criticism?

Thanks LadyofGaerdon for the DLD!
A sort of rough draft of this poem is here: [link] . I wrote it first and then entirely rewrote it into this poem with a slightly different theme. Another poem you should check out is tonepainter's "Let's Not Pretend" [link] which was inspired by this (and is better than this).
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LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Professional Writer
:wave: Hi! Your piece has been featured in #Lit-Visual-Alliance's Third Allied Artwork Feature! Please :+fav: the article to bring attention to the feature. :) Thank you for being a part of the Alliance! :salute:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Professional Writer
No problem. :)
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wonderful imagery, and a poignant message. Wars are indeed scars.

My only niggle is this line: "When your children run to you among the grasses"

It is too long and breaks of the flow and aesthetic of the poem. I'd suggest removing a few unnecessary words. Is it necessary that the children belong to someone? There are some who read this poem who don't have children (like myself) but who still care that children die. Perhaps something like "When children run among the grasses" would be a bit more universal and correct the flow.

Just a thought. Excellent work either way. Congrats on the DLD! :+fav:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you so much for your great comment! It was super helpful because that was a line I had been wondering about. I'd had it shorter before, and then changed it, but I wasn't sure if I should have, so that was super helpful. I've changed it back now to what I had before.
Anyway, thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Professional Writer
This is amazing! :wow: This is basically the poem I have been trying to write for the last month or so. About the memory held by earth that has been scarred by war. I found it so hard to convey but you've done it just brilliantly here!

ghost children that never were - Ooh, that line gave me goosebumps! Beautiful. I also love what you've done with the title - very clever. All in all it's just wonderful. :heart:

A difficult subject presented in deft, evocative language, the words echoing across your mind like...ghost children that never were...echo across battlefields of old.
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Oh, thank you for this lovely comment! :hug: And thank you very much for featuring it as a DLD too, it all means a lot to me. I'm so happy you were able to enjoy my poem.
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2012  Professional Writer
You are so welcome. :hug:
bluetopaz10 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
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