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Poetry by 91816119

poems inspiring me to write my own by cristinewakesuphappy

DLD's I Have Featured by LadyofGaerdon


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Submitted on
April 20, 2012
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Someday, we will come back

When you walk among your fields
That lay peaceful in the pink sunset
You will remember the blood
And we will be here once more

When the noonday sun
Specks the silent plow with diamonds
You shall think of bayonets
And screams that tore as they fell

When your children run among the grasses
Shining ethereal in the twilight
You shall think of ghosts
And of ghost children that never were

The world has forgotten us
The earth will not forget

In our memory, is our revenge
Wars are scars.
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Thanks LadyofGaerdon for the DLD!
A sort of rough draft of this poem is here: [link] . I wrote it first and then entirely rewrote it into this poem with a slightly different theme. Another poem you should check out is tonepainter's "Let's Not Pretend" [link] which was inspired by this (and is better than this).
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Professional Writer
:wave: Hi! Your piece has been featured in #Lit-Visual-Alliance's Third Allied Artwork Feature! Please :+fav: the article to bring attention to the feature. :) Thank you for being a part of the Alliance! :salute:
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:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Professional Writer
No problem. :)
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wonderful imagery, and a poignant message. Wars are indeed scars.

My only niggle is this line: "When your children run to you among the grasses"

It is too long and breaks of the flow and aesthetic of the poem. I'd suggest removing a few unnecessary words. Is it necessary that the children belong to someone? There are some who read this poem who don't have children (like myself) but who still care that children die. Perhaps something like "When children run among the grasses" would be a bit more universal and correct the flow.

Just a thought. Excellent work either way. Congrats on the DLD! :+fav:
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:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you so much for your great comment! It was super helpful because that was a line I had been wondering about. I'd had it shorter before, and then changed it, but I wasn't sure if I should have, so that was super helpful. I've changed it back now to what I had before.
Anyway, thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Professional Writer
This is amazing! :wow: This is basically the poem I have been trying to write for the last month or so. About the memory held by earth that has been scarred by war. I found it so hard to convey but you've done it just brilliantly here!

ghost children that never were - Ooh, that line gave me goosebumps! Beautiful. I also love what you've done with the title - very clever. All in all it's just wonderful. :heart:






A difficult subject presented in deft, evocative language, the words echoing across your mind like...ghost children that never were...echo across battlefields of old.
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:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Oh, thank you for this lovely comment! :hug: And thank you very much for featuring it as a DLD too, it all means a lot to me. I'm so happy you were able to enjoy my poem.
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2012  Professional Writer
You are so welcome. :hug:
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:iconbluetopaz10:
bluetopaz10 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
WHY THIS NO HAVE MORE FAVORITES? ppplz iz dummm
Reply
:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I DUNNO. maybeez becuz it sucks
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:iconbluetopaz10:
bluetopaz10 Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
U R FALS.
Reply
:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner May 9, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
NO I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF TRUTH
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:iconbluetopaz10:
bluetopaz10 Featured By Owner May 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
U R FALS.
Reply
:iconshewroteinblue:
Shewroteinblue Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazing. Maybe my favorite of your poems ever.
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:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Wait, really? That makes me so happy! And I seriously think that I only spent five minutes writing this.
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:iconshewroteinblue:
Shewroteinblue Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Really? It's so beautiful haha :D I mean, your others are good too... and different, so I can't really compare them, but I love this one a lot!
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:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Well, I'm glad you like it. The way I've been writing poetry recently is really fast, I just think about some subject or feeling and write it down directly, because I discovered that thoughts/mental processes have natural phrases and a sort of fluidity that works well as free verse. I probably should have realized that long ago, haha.
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:iconshewroteinblue:
Shewroteinblue Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's pretty much how I usually write mine :P
The mind makes its own meter! (: You should post more of your poetry, if you have it!
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:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Well, you've seen all my poetry. But I guess I could post some of the stuff you've seen.
But! If I start the poem a day thing, then there will be new stuff to post! :squee:
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:iconshewroteinblue:
Shewroteinblue Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
YEAHH :D
I also wrote some more poems a day.
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:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
WHERE IS POEM NUMBER 4???!!! :rage::threaten:
Of the ones you have, though, I really like 2.
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(1 Reply)
:iconbluetopaz10:
bluetopaz10 Featured By Owner May 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
You mean YOUR thoughts have natural phrases and fluidity... haha that's awesome. I'd sound like Sartre...
Also the face has no relation to the comment, it's just awesome.
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:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Why are you doing drugs? :noes:

No, I'm pretty sure all thoughts have fluidity, because thoughts don't come out of nowhere, they all lead to the next one. And I would think all thoughts have phrases, at least if you're the type of person who thinks in words. And I thought I remembered that Sartre wrote really well.
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:icongummyrabbit:
gummyrabbit Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
and therefore, U R FALS
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:iconbluetopaz10:
bluetopaz10 Featured By Owner May 21, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
*cries in a corner*
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(1 Reply)
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